I Want To Break Free
by myharlequinromance321
Summary: I am a robot who goes around saying and doing what everyone wants me to. I am not me. That is why, I've got to break free. OC/Marauders.
1. Prologue

Prologue

The uncharacteristically warm August breeze caught my dress as I sat on the tire swing attached to the ancient Willow in the garden. It was a bright cloudless day, a rarity in itself, and I was basking in it's beauty. This was my favourite place to be alone with my thoughts. The curtain of Willow leaves shaded me from the worry-worn face of my mother.

Sitting there, I began to think over the past few years of my life. I cannot believe all that has not happened. I have led a diffident and sorry school career. Never have I broken a rule. Never have I been in love. Never have I been anything but a perfect friend and daughter. It was getting old. I want to feel that rush of excitement, that merriment of doing something I was not meant to do.

I want to break free.

Life with my over protective mother and mild mannered friends is eating me up, day by uneventful day. I envy the Marauders to some extent. They may dilly-dally to wherever they want, break any rule, serve hundreds of detentions, and they are still happy and loved. I fear, that if I unleash this new attitude, I will be reigned unwillingly back into the monotony of perfect.

I vow to unleash my Gryffindor courage, and be who I want to be, even if it means losing my friends. If they love me for who I am, then they will come to terms with my change. If not, then they never truly loved me. Fifth year at Hogwarts will be different, one way or another.

Oh, how I want to be free.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

My bed has always been one of my favourite things. It is downy and big. Soft and soothing. And it was my papa's. All I have to remember him by is this bed, a few pictures, and his ashes.

He and my mum got a divorce when I was two. I didn't get to see him as much as either of us wanted after that. He and my mum are, were, my world. I loved him so much. I love my mum too, but he was my da.

He died from cancer.

He'd had it before I was born and it had gone into remission, but right before my first year, it came back with a vengeance and took no pity on him. Just like that, he was gone. He is gone. It's just so hard. Why him? Why our family? Death truly has no mercy.

With dad gone, mum became the over protective mess she is today. It's like it put death into perspective for her. It became a real thing that could happen to any of us at any time. She stopped leaving the house after his funeral. I know they were divorced, but it was different. They still loved each other, just not the same way. It worked for them, and that was all they needed.

She misses him.

My mum's not the only one who changed when we lost him. I used to be the lively, ray of sunshine that lit up everyone's day. I was different. Now, I am a robot who goes around saying and doing what everyone wants me to. I am not me. That is why,

I've got to break free.


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

September 1st. The day when I go back to school. The day I begin my new life as the new me.

Once I had packed my trunk and dressed, I flounced down the stairs to bid my mum farewell. I found her crying in the kitchen. She was hunched over the stove, her shoulders shaking as silent sobs racked her body. It was always like this. She cried, I stayed strong. She worried, I gave her nothing to worry about.

Suddenly, I began to feel selfish for thinking I could just start anew and she would be as happy as a bee. I started wondering if I should put her happiness above mine.

No.

It may be selfish, but I have to do this, or I will never be the person I used to be. I will always be a robot. I just cannot let her find out about the new me. I will make sure I never do anything that could get me in enough trouble for the school to contact her.

Hugging her goodbye, I felt shame flood my body. I shook it off. This was going to be a painful transition, but I hoped it would pay off in the end.


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

The hustle and bustle of Platform 9 ¾ always sends a shiver of warmth through my heart. Seeing all of the loving parents hug their children goodbye. Mothers fretting. Fathers attempting to calm the fretting mothers. It is all so nice.

Although, some families do not add to this warmth. Families like the Blacks. I may not know Sirius at all, but I when I see the painfully uncaring and disdainful way his parents treat him in public, I shudder to think about how he is treated at home. I feel sympathy, not pity, but sympathy for Sirius Black. I imagine that he puts on this front of being a ladies man, in order to hide the hurt he has rolling in his heart. He is lucky to have the Marauders, and Felix Felicis has nothing to do with it. Those boys are bound forever by their pain.

The pain that brought them together.

I do not know if James Potter has ever felt pain like the others, but I see him as the glue that holds them together. He is their strength. Remus has always been so studious and quiet, but I know he hides great insecurity and pain behind those good grades. He is the only Marauder I have ever spoken to. Peter, though he must have something going for him in order for them others to keep him around, does not seem like anything other than a small boy who needs protection. Protection that the Marauders have given to him. He idolizes them.

Suddenly the warning whistle of the Hogwarts Express juts me into reality. I had been standing in the middle of the platform, just staring at the spot where the Marauders had been moments before. I looked a fool. Shaking it off, I carefully climbed onto the train. It seemed as if everyone had already found a cabinet, so I was going to have a time finding my friends. After looking through what seemed like hundreds of cabinets, I finally found my destination. Opening the door, I came face-to-face with my best friend, Mary Macdonald.

She is a slight girl with hazel eyes and warm brown hair. She shares a dorm with Lily Evans and me. Lily and I have never been very close, but Mary and I have been friends since the very first day. She has been there to pick up the pieces during every breakdown. Smiling, I sat down and saw that we were not alone. Lily, Alice Prewett, and Frank Longbottom sat smiling across from me. Alice was a Hufflepuff in our year and Frank was a Gryffindor the year above us. They were dating and Alice was a good friend of mine.

Once we had all gotten through the usual greetings, we began doing our own things. Frank and Alice began speaking in low, intimate tones. Lily went to the Prefects car, and Mary and I began playing Exploding Snap whilst catching up. Apparently she had gone to Spain for three weeks in the middle of break, which explained her unusually tanned skin. Neither of us had an owl, so this was the first time we had spoken all summer, we didn't care much for the regular post.

When I was in the middle of telling Mary about my resolution to be more free, the door burst open to reveal a harried looking Peter Pettigrew.

"I can't find my friends. Do you mind if I sit in here for the rest of the way?"

With a look to the rest of us, Mary agreed with a smile, and made room for him next to herself. When Mary and Peter began a conversation, I excused myself to find to the food trolley. Making my way down the hallway, I came across a commotion. Sirius, James and Remus were standing with a group of Slytherins, all of them looking highly annoyed.

As stealthily as possible, I made my way over, intent on finding out what was going on. Once within earshot, I stopped and listened.

"Oi, what did you do with Peter?" barked an irritated Sirius.

"I don't know what you mean Black. What would we want with that little rat?" seethed a greasy Snape.

"Well, all I know is that Peter left our cabinet in this direction and never came back. Now, you gits are standing here, and there is no sign of Peter." stated James with a spark of anger in his hazel eyes. Regulus came out from behind his goons to address his brother with a sneer.

"Like Snape said, we don't know where the tub of lard is, and I suggest you leave unless you want trouble."

"Like hell we will!" Sirius made a move to hex his brother, but before he could, I ran out in front of his wand.

"Stop! I know where Pettigrew is!" I yelled frantically, closing my eyes whilst praying to Merlin I wouldn't be hexed.

"Who are you?" asked a suspicious James. Cautiously opening my eyes, I sighed exasperatedly and replied.

"Roxanne Fitzgerald. I am in the same year and house as you three."

"Really? I don't recall seeing you around." replied a baffled James, running a hand through his hair in confusion.

"Well, maybe if you pulled your heads out of each other's arses, you would have noticed me!" I yelled in annoyance. I have got to admit, this being free stuff felt great! I may be annoyed now, but now I can let it out instead of keeping it in like usual.

"Calm down woman! Merlin, you don't have to be so bitchy." Sirius replied with a slight smirk, wondering how this spitfire had stayed under his radar for four years.

"Ignore them Roxanne. Now, you said that you know where Peter is?" The ever-so-calming Remus stepped in, hands held in front of him as a sign of surrender.

"Yes, he came to my compartment asking to sit with us, seeing as he couldn't find you lot." James piped up.

"Is he still there?" I looked at him with a glare.

"Well I sure as hell hope so." Grudgingly leading them to my cabinet, I made sure to not willingly speak to any of them. I was in a sour mood, and they were the unfortunate targets.

Entering the cabinet, I huffed and sat down by the window, refusing to acknowledge their existence. Mary gave me a weird look, but I ignored it and closed her eyes, hoping to take a nap before we arrived at the school.

Right before I drifted off, I heard a confused Remus ask Mary if anything had happened to me over the summer to cause me to act so different. Mary must have shrugged or something signaling that she did not have an answer because the boys soon excused themselves and left to their own cabinet.

Allowing the tiredness to wash over me, I fell into a dream filled slumber, awaiting the arrival to my fifth year at Hogwarts.


End file.
